New format for Tips. This is our second Tips. newsletter to be distrib- uted via Page 4 Tips for Encouraging Sexual Abstinence. RESOURCES TO HELP YOU …
Tips for Encouraging Sexual Abstinence
E-Newsletter Winter 2008 Published by:
Healthy Relationships: Preventing Teen Dating Violence
Not so Normal Sarah was a normal teenage girl She had normal grades and normal friends, and she played normal sports It seemed normal then, that when she was 15, she hooked up with a normal guy at school Everything seemed normal for a while anyway After a couple weeks of normal, Josh began to act differently He began questioning Sarah about the other people she talked to, and he began calling and text messaging her constantly He would usually ask in a demanding voice, Where are you? and What are you doing? Sarah would always try to assure Josh that everything was fine Josh also began to criticize Sarah for what she was wearing and how she fixed her hair He would say things like why are you wearing that? and you need to go home and change Sarah felt uncomfortable about these changes, but she didnt know what to do She was afraid to try and break up with him, especially after he had threatened her about never leaving him One day after school, Sarah had planned to go to a girlfriends house Josh began to question her and tell her she couldnt go When
Sarah said no to him, he hit her across the face in the school hallway Hurt and humiliated, Sarah was confused and hoped that this wasnt normal New format for Tips This is our second Tips newsletter to be distributed via email to parents, teachers, and other adults who interact with and care about teens Our goal is to provide you with helpful information and practical encouragement for helping the teens in your life make healthy choices and Aim for Success More information about Aim for Success
If you would like to learn more about our proNew Policy for a Serious Problem Last May, Texas Governor Rick Perry grams for students, parsigned House Bill 121 into immediate effect, which requires all school districts in ents, and school staff, Texas to implement a Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Pol- please visit our website or call our office: icy This legislation was largely in response to the growing problem of teen dating wwwaimforsuccessorg violence, defined as: 972-422-2322
The intentional use of physical, sexual, verbal, or emotional abuse by a person to harm, threaten, intimidate, or control another person in a dating relationship Teen dating violence is a pattern of
coercive behavior that one partner exerts over the other for the purpose of establishing and maintaining power and control
In recent years, several tragic deaths in Texas of young girls killed by their current or former boyfriends received state and national publicity According to the Centers for Disease Control:
1 in 11 adolescents have been a victim of dating violence 1 in 5 female high school students report having been verbally, physically, and/or sexually abused by a dating partner In this issue Patterns of dating violence which start in adolescence increase in severity and continue into adult relationships A HEART for Healthy
A survey conducted by The Texas Council on Family Violence wwwtcfvorg showed even higher incidence:
Relationships A Dark Place Be There Red Flags Resource Websites Creative Activities
75 of Texas teens have personally experienced dating violence or know someone who has 50 of Texas teens surveyed report having experienced physical dating violence
These stories and statistics pull on the heart strings of all of us How can we keep this problem from getting worse? How can we keep our own children from becoming victims of physical, verbal, and/or sexual
abuse? At Aim for Success, we believe the best answer is to help teens build healthy relationships
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A Heart for Healthy Relationships
Helping teens build healthy relationships happens over time Laying a foundation for positive boy-girl relationships begins when children are very young Children from preschool through high school are learning values about how to treat others, and how others should treat them from what they see and hear What do they see? What relationships are being MODELED in their homes and schools? How their family interacts with each other, how their parents treat each other, and how siblings are expected to treat each other can determine how much RESPECT they will give and expect to receive How is conflict dealt with? Can problems be handled respectfully with good resolution? Also, what they see in the MEDIA can have a large impact on setting what is normal for them Are there positive male and female relationships in the TV shows they are watching? Is there a strong presence of violence in their movies? Or their video games? What do they hear? While most of relationship values are caught, there is still a great need
for strong values also to be taught Teens especially want to hear even though they dont always act like they do what your values are about relationships, and they want you to be there to talk them through different questions and situations as they arise Are you a safe place for your child to come talk about these issues? Are you able to do mostly listening, while adding a few key teaching points along the way? As opposed to you doing most of the talking or preaching? Teens need to hear clearly from you what is and is not acceptable for relationships Define LOVE using lots of specific examples of what love is and what love is not
True love cares for the HEART
LOVE is H- HELPFUL- helping each other be the best you can be E- EMPATHETIC- caring for the other person more than yourself A- ACCEPTING- you for who you are R- RESPECTFUL T- TRUSTING LOVE is not HURTFUL ENVIOUS Jealous ANGRY RUDE TEARING YOU DOWN
A Dark Place
Imagine a little girl went for a walk in the woods on a cool spring afternoon It began to sprinkle a bit and she spotted a cave nearby Once under cover, she was curious about what might be back in the cave She began to walk a little further back into the cave, and as
she did, the light from outside faded slowly away B 
eginning to fear what she could no longer see, she turned around to head back outside Then she realized she couldnt see the outside light anymore- and she didnt know which way is out Her fear grew greater, and as she walked, she actually moved farther back into the cave The deeper in she goes, the harder it will be for her to ever come out Victims of teen dating violence and other relational abuse describe the darkness they experience as they deal with hurt and fear and shame What may have started out as fun and intriguing, slowly turned into hurt and shame The longer the relationship continues, the harder it is to break free Outside help from a caring friend or adult may be the only thing to save them from further physical and emotional hurt
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Be There
Teens who are hurting need caring adults to help them begin healing and find their way out of unhealthy relationships Parents can be an important part of building a circle of support around their children Talking with school teachers, coaches, counselors, and church or club leaders can give parents a framework of communication- letting
them know you want to keep the doors open for letting each other know concerns or needs with your child Caring adults are also needed to help other teens Keep an eye and heart out for your childs friends and neighbors teens who may need help Even with caring adults in their lives, teens in abusive relationships are more likely to turn first to their peers for help than to adults Adults need to encourage teens to get help for their friends when they first see, suspect or hear about unhealthy behavior patterns With teen dating violence, just listening is not enough A caring adult can work to support the hurting teen, and walk them step-by-step through a safety plan to exit the relationship and heal from the emotional and/or physical hurt
Red Flags
These red flags are very important for teens to understand These behaviors are not normal and will only escalate to more abusive control Help teens learn to recognize these behaviors, setting them against a context of what a healthy relationship should be ie using HEART from page 2 If teens are experiencing any of these patterns, they need to tell a friend and/or caring adult and begin to get help before things get worse Putting you down
in front of friends Calling you names Constantly calling or texting Acting controlling Criticizing your appearance Threatening to hurt you Pressuring you to have sex Slapping or hitting you Keeping you from spending time with your family or friends Abusing drugs or alcohol Having access to weapons and/or having a history of violence
Teen Dating Violence Resource Websites
Governor Rick Perrys Website has a link to the Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Tool Kit with many resources and curriculum: wwwgovernorstatetxus/divisions/women Texas Council on Family Violence/ Know the Red Flags Project: wwwknowtheredflagscom Centers for Disease Control/Choose Respect Program: wwwchooserespectorg Texas Advocacy Project/Teen Justice Initiative: wwwwomen-laworg
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National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week
February 4-8, 2008 is honored as National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week in many schools and communities Community organizations are teaming up with schools and student-led initiatives to bring to light this issue- supporting those who have been or are victims, and raising a standard of healthy
relationships to prevent the problem from getting worse Aim for Success has taken on the challenge to be part of the solution to this tragic problem While much of the HB 121 legislation is related to school-specific legal and procedural policy, one of its seven components calls for awareness and prevention education Aim for Success has built its 15-year history providing effective prevention education, and we are in place to serve as a resource for schools as they develop their prevention plans All 3 of the sexual abstinence programs, and also our new Power to Succeed drug, alcohol and tobacco program include components of prevention and awareness as defined in HB 121 Working together, we believe we can change this dangerous trend in teen dating relationships and help teens have healthy relationships
The Aim for Success Spring Program Calendar is getting full
Call us soon to book programs for your school or church groups A calendar of all our upcoming programs and a description of all programs is on our website: aimforsuccessorg
Or call our office at: 972-422-2322
Timely Tips to Help Teens VALENTINES DAY DATE IDEA
Use this Valentines Day to reinforce with your son or daughter
what TRUE LOVE really looks like Take your child on a date- and treat them just like you want their boy/girlfriend to treat them Be as creative as you can, and go out of your way to communicate RESPECT Open the door for them, let them choose where to eat, etc
TRUE LOVE DINNER DISCUSSION
Take on the topic of true love as a dinner or breakfast or afterschool, etc discussion Each person make a list of how they would define true love Then put your lists together on one sheet of paper Once your positive characteristics are compiled, go through and come up with the opposite words Then youll have your what love is NOT list
BONUS MEDIA ACTIVITY
RESOURCES TO HELP YOU
Books and CDs by Founder and President, Marilyn Morris ABCs of the Birds and Bees for Parents of Toddlers to Teens TEENS, SEX, AND CHOICES Student, Parent and Staff Programs wwwaimforsuccessorg 972-422-2322 Take your lists to the TV room and watch a few popular shows together Identify real love and NOT real love behavior in the characteristics Watch for not just boy-girl relationships, but also parent-child, friendfriend, student-teacher, etc LOVE and RESPECT characterize all successful relationships You can also print out
and analyze lyrics to popular songs
Source:bowperson.com
