a fact sheet for parents with some tips for positive parenting. Ten Tips for Successful Parenting. Parenting is the most important job you will ever have. …
Resource 1
Worth a Click
|Bullying |
|http://wwwschwablearningorg/articlesasp?r697 |
|An article titled What Parents Can Do about Bullying offers practical advice|
|on the topic |
|Child Welfare League of America |
|http://wwwcwlaorg/positiveparenting/ |
|This site offers links to resources and advice for parents of children of |
|all ages The resources are divided into different categories to make access|
|easy |
|A Family Guide to Keeping Youth Mentally Healthy and Drug Free |
|wwwfamilysamhsagov |
|Aimed at families of middle and high school students, this site has |
|practical advice and information to help parents with their adolescents |
|Healthier Schools New Mexico |
|http://wwwhealthierschoolsorg/
|
|This site highlights the coordinated school/health model from the State of |
|New Mexico |
|Kids Health - For Parents |
|http://kidshealthorg/parent/positive/ |
|This web site from Kids Health includes topics on Talking to Kids, Learning|
|and Education and Family Life |
|National Mental Health Association Strengthening Families |
|http://wwwnmhaorg/children/positivepdf |
|This site includes a fact sheet for parents with some tips for positive |
|parenting |
|Office of Child Development: New Mexico Children, Youth Families |
|Department - New Mexico Kids |
|http://wwwnewmexicokidsorg/Family/ |
|You can find information about networking, resource awareness and technical |
|assistance for child care professionals, parents and health educators |
|Information is offered on
child development, health and selecting quality |
|child care |
|Parents Reaching Out |
|http://wwwparentsreachingoutorg/ |
|Parents Reaching Out is directed at helping families learn to make informed |
|decisions about the care and education of their children This site includes|
|information on special education issues that parents face, advocacy |
|information and early intervention suggestions |
|Parent Smart |
|wwwparentsmartcom |
|This web site offers everything from help with homework to tips for talking |
|with children about disasters |
|Positive Parenting - Peace Begins at Home |
|http://wwwpositiveparentingcom/ |
|This web site has many resources for parents on parenting and positive |
|discipline including articles, books
|
|and workshops |
|Teaching Tolerance |
|http://wwwtoleranceorg/teach/indexjsp |
|This site is for anyone interested in creating communities that value |
|diversity It contains pages for teachers, parents, teens and kids |
Resource 2
Ten Tips for Successful Parenting
Parenting is the most important job you will ever have It is also one of
the most challenging Your job of parenting changes as your children grow
and mature requiring you to adjust to the needs and ages of your children
Use the following tips to help guide your parenting in healthy and positive
ways
1 Celebrate the Positive
Recognizing children for their effort is as important as the
actual effort For example, if your child has just folded the
laundry, celebrate that effort and accomplishment even though it
may not be folded exactly the way you might have done it
2 Take Time to Talk and Really Listen
Encourage children to talk openly and let them know
that talking
through their feelings is a healthy way of expressing
themselves Provide children with the words and be a role model
by talking about your own feelings
3 Use Discipline, Not Punishment
Discipline is a method of teaching children life-long
responsibility and acceptable behaviors
Punishment, on the other hand, tends to force children to behave
a certain way and does not allow for children to be responsible
for their own behavior The use of natural and logical
consequences when children make mistakes or misbehave allows for
discipline that teaches responsibility and life-long learning
4 Teach Responsibility Constructively
Teach responsibility by giving children frequent opportunities
to practice making decisions about what he or she needs to do in
a given situation For example, instead of saying You made a
mess, you left your dishes on the table and you need to take
them to the sink and rinse them Try saying, The table is a
mess, what do you need to do to get it cleaned up?
5
Separate the Child from the Behavior
Never tell a child that he or she is bad This really hurts a
childs self-esteem Communicate to your child that it isnt
that you do not like him or her, but it is the behavior that you
are unwilling to tolerate For example, instead of saying, You
are acting like a baby, try saying, I know you are upset but I
can understand you better if talk to me in your regular voice
Your child must know that your love is unconditional and
although you may be upset with his or her behavior, it does not
affect your love for him or her
6 Actions Speak Louder than Words
If you find that your child has stopped listening, it is
because, on average, we give our children over 2000 commands per
day They stop listening when they feel we are nagging or
yelling Instead of telling your child a third or fourth time,
think about what action you could take For example, if your
child continues to throw his towel on the bathroom floor rather
than hang it up, instead of doing it for him or
yelling at him
one more time, simply remove the towel or leave it in a heap on
the floor It will either be gone or still damp the next time
and will better deliver the message of why it is important to
hang it up
7 Use Natural and Logical Consequences
Think about what would happen in a situation if you do not
interfere When we interfere unnecessarily, we rob children of
the chance to learn from the consequences of their actions By
letting the natural consequence take place, we avoid nagging If
your child forgets his PE shoes one day, instead of taking them
to school or to the game, let the child suffer the consequence
of not playing that day When natural consequences are not safe
or not practical, be sure the consequence is logical A
consequence must be logically related to the behavior to be
effective For example, he forgets to return his video to the
rental store where a daily late fee will add up, return the
video, but deduct the late charge from his allowance or let him
pay it off
over time if it is already several days overdue This
allows your child to see the logic to the discipline
8 Spend Quality Time with Your Child and Leave the Stress of Work
at Work
We all lead busy lives and often we are thinking about all we
have to do rather than spending 100 of our attention being with
and listening to our children We sometimes pretend to listen or
unintentionally ignore what our children are saying If we dont
give our children 100 attention, they will start to misbehave
In a childs mind, negative attention is better than no
attention at all Remember that your childs feelings are
important to recognize If your child says, Mom you never play
with me, even though you just finished playing with her she
is expressing what she really feels It is important to validate
her feelings by saying, Yeah, I bet it does feel like we
havent played in a long time Parents are all busy, but it is
important to remember not to take your job home with you When
parents bring job related stress home with them, they
are less
tolerant and more prone to argue with their children
9 Give Children Input into the Decisions that Affect Them and
Hold Family Meetings
Ask your childs advice when it is appropriate to do so This
can help a child feel powerful and valuable Give your child
choices, let him/her help you and have input into simple daily
decisions It may seem like it is sometimes easier to do a
simple task ourselves rather than waiting for the child to
complete it, but this does not allow the child to make choices
and feel important Many families find that having a regular
family meeting time is helpful Family meetings allow time for
everyone in the family to bring issues to the table and discuss
them
10 Be Kind Although Firm and Consistent
If you set a limit with your child and it comes time to act on
it, act with reason and firmness and do not allow your child to
get into a power struggle with you For example, suppose that
you have told your child that the toys must be picked up by the
time the timer
goes off or the remaining toys will be put away
for a while When the timer goes off simply pick up the
remaining toys and put them out of sight without any more
nagging or extension of time Do not give in to pleas, tears,
pouting or promises Your child will learn to respect you more
if she or he learns that you mean what you say
Adapted from positiveparentingcoms Ten Keys to Successful Parenting and
the National Mental Health Associations Strengthening Families Fact Sheet
Resource 3
Parents Can Make A Difference Daily
Your home may not be a classroom, but it is still a powerful place of
learning One of the most important things
you can do as a parent or guardian, is to show in words and actions
confidence in your childs ability to
succeed everyday in school and in life Positive messages have a way of
becoming real actions and attitudes
Use this guide as a reminder of ways you can make a difference in your
family
Encouraging children costs nothing and yet, offers big rewards Remember
to:
I already do
this I will try doing this
Always find
something positive to say
_____ _____
Praise your childs efforts, not just his or her
accomplishments _____ _____
Help your child feel good about him or herself by saying things
like: _____ _____
I can tell you worked very hard on that
Youre getting much better at that
I appreciate what you did
You really handled that situation well
Have faith in your child Dont be afraid to give your child
increasing
responsibility and independence _____
_____
Discourage competition in all forms between brothers and
sisters _____ _____
Respect your child by treating him or her with dignity
_____ _____
Another important way you can make a daily difference in the life of your
children is by spending some quality
time with them Busy parents have a limited amount of time to spend with
their children Spending time with your child,
no matter what the age, is extremely important It is the quality of the
time spent reading together, playing,
asking
questions, not the quantity of time that is important Communicating with
your child encourages him or her to tell you
what he or she is thinking and feeling This will improve vocabulary and
develop thinking skills, all of which are important
for success in school and life
Quality time can happen at any time or any place The quality of the time
you already spend together can be made even better, by talking with and
listening to your child Driving in the car or riding the bus, walking
through the neighborhood or going for an ice cream after dinner are all
good times to talk together and stay connected Children of all ages enjoy
having your full attention at bedtime to read or talk together Reading
together offers ways to discuss important issues that may not be discussed
otherwise
Think of ways you can spend quality time with your child/children What are
some ways you can turn chore time into quality
time?
1
____________________________________________________________________________
_________________
2
____________________________________________________________________________
_________________
3
____________________________________________________________________________
_________________
4
____________________________________________________________________________
_________________
5
____________________________________________________________________________
_________________
Being a good parent is not about saving time““it is about investing time
Our children need daily encouragement and quality time with us so that they
will be strong individuals and successful adults
Resource 4
Guiding Children and Youth in Making Healthy Choices
Healthy kids make better students
Better students make healthy communities
Children and youth who begin each day as healthy individuals can learn more
effectively and are more likely to complete their education
It is important for families to work together with schools and community to
model and support children in their growth and development Our children
are faced with many
decisions and it is our responsibility to guide them in
healthy choices
Use this as a guide on ways that parents and caregivers can influence
children and youth in making healthy choices
|Nutrition and Healthy Food Choices |
| |
|Healthy foods are the primary building block for a childs physical growth, |
|brain development and ability to |
|resist disease Food also affects a childs emotions, sense of well-being |
|and ability to learn |
| |
|Parents and family members can guide children in: |
| modeling and making smart choices from every food group; |
| finding a balance between food and physical activity; and |
| monitoring healthy amounts of good foods |
|Physical Education and Activity |
|
|
|Physical education and regular exercise provide the optimal opportunity for |
|all students to learn and develop |
|the skills, knowledge and attitudes necessary to decide to participate in a |
|lifetime of healthful physical activity |
| |
|Parents and family members can: |
| promote and model a physically active lifestyle; |
| provide opportunities for children to participate in school and community |
|activities which allow for movement and exercise such as team and |
|individual sports programs, dance, martial arts |
|and other activities; |
| model responsible personal and social behavior in a physical activity |
|setting; and |
| provide other opportunities for physical self-expression, challenges, |
|social interaction |
|and
enjoyment |
|A Healthy and Safe Environment |
| |
|A healthy and safe environment for children supports a total learning |
|experience that promotes personal growth, healthy interpersonal |
|relationships, wellness and freedom from discrimination and abuse |
| |
|Families can maintain a healthy environment by: |
| supporting the childs personal safety through a violence/harassment-free |
|environment; |
| keeping the childs home environment inviting, clean, safe and in good |
|repair; |
| providing an environment where children and all family members feel |
|accepted and valued, |
|and high expectations are set for personal behavior and accomplishments; |
| encouraging global
citizenship through environmental awareness and |
|activities that promote the child to act locally in the community; and |
| creating and maintaining a home environment that is free of tobacco, |
|alcohol and other drugs |
|Social and Emotional Well Being |
| |
|Families can support healthy social and emotional well-being in children and|
|youth by encouraging: |
| acceptance of self; |
| the ability to express thoughts and feelings in a responsible manner; |
| understanding and respect for differences in others; |
| positive interpersonal relationships; |
| the ability to give and receive support; |
| balance between meaningful work and play; |
| awareness of stressors which interfere with health development; and |
| willingness to request assistance when needed
|
|Health Education and Life Skills |
| |
|Through modeling, the promotion and support of health education and life |
|skills, families can help with the |
|prevention of the following six risky behaviors: |
| use of tobacco, alcohol and other drugs; |
| dietary patterns; |
| sedentary lifestyles; |
| behaviors that result in sexually transmitted diseases and unintended |
|pregnancy; |
| behaviors that result in unintentional injuries; and |
| violent and other anti-social behaviors |
Contact the New Mexico Public Education Departments School and Family
Support Bureau for more information at
wwwhealthierschoolsorg
Resource 5
Finding Positive Ways to Talk About Your Children
Use these suggestions to guide you in finding positive and encouraging ways
to talk about children
|Instead of |Say |
|She talks too much |She is very verbal |
|She is a know-it-all |She knows and remembers facts |
|He asks too many questions |He is curious about many things |
|He has weird ideas |He has creative and innovative |
| |ideas |
|She is the class clown |She has a keen sense of humor |
|She is a bookworm |She reads a lot on her own |
|He tries to dominate everything |He shows leadership abilities |
|He is argumentative |He is good at defending his |
| |position |
|She always looks for the simple |She is good at solving problems |
|solution | |
|She is into everything
|She has many interests and |
| |collections |
|He is so hyper |He has a high energy level |
|He is stubborn |He is goal directed |
Add other positive ways to talk with your children
|Instead of |Say |
| | |
| | |
Resource 6
Natural and Logical Consequences
Use this tool to guide you in using natural and logical consequences with
your child
Discipline is a method of teaching children life-long responsibility and
acceptable behaviors Punishment on the other
hand, tends to force children to behave a certain way and does not allow
for children to be responsible for their own
behavior
The use of natural and logical consequences when children make mistakes or
misbehave allows for discipline that teaches responsibility and life-long
learning Below are some examples of natural and logical consequences
Think about how these can be used with your
child
|Example of Behavior |Consequence |Lesson Learned |
|Child forgets to return library |Child cannot |Child learns to be more |
|book to school |check out |responsible in |
| |another book |remembering the next time|
|Child chooses not to study for a|Child receives a|Child learns that his or |
|test or exam | |her decision can affect |
| |poor grade |the overall outcome in |
| | |this case his or her |
| | |grade |
|Child forgets shoes or uniform |Child is not |Child learns the value of |
|for a sporting event |allowed to play |being prepared |
| |in the game | |
|Child uses negative name calling|The friend |Child realizes how |
|with a friend |expresses hurt |powerful words |
| |feelings |can be |
|Child doesnt put dirty
clothes |His or her |Child learns that he or |
|in the |clothes do not |she must do their part in |
|appropriate place |get washed that |helping with chores |
| |week | |
|A teenager consistently shows up|He or she loses |He or she learns the value|
|late for work |the job |of |
| | |being prompt |
Points to Remember When Disciplining Children
|Natural and logical consequences can teach |
|children to: |
| be responsible for their actions |
| recognize both parent and childs rights |
| focus on present and future behavior |
| make decisions and learn from mistakes |
| develop mutual respect between parents and |
|children |
| feel encouraged and develop positive |
|self-esteem |
Resource 7
Promoting Responsibility
Use this guide to help teach children to think about their actions and
make
decisions for themselves
Handling typical situations with think starters like the suggestions
noted in the chart below will encourage children to be responsible for
their own behavior
|Situation |Think Stoppers |Think Starters |
|Parent is on the phone or|Be quiet Youre making |Your noise is making it |
|busy with another child; |too |hard for us to hear What|
|other child is noisy |much noise |can you do to help? |
|Its clean up time |Put the dishes in the |Its time to clean up |
| |sink, pick up the toys in|What do you need to do to|
| |the living room, and wipe|clean up? |
| |off | |
| |the tables | |
|One child is distracting |Paul, move away from |Paul, find something |
|another |Ron |else to do so that Ron |
| | |can concentrate |
|One child is making noise|Be quiet |Its Pats time to
talk|
|while | |What do you need to do? |
|another is trying to | | |
|speak | | |
|A child is whining |Stop whining |I can understand you |
| | |better if you talk in |
| | |your regular voice |
|Siblings are fighting |Stop it Each of you |We cant have fighting |
| |sit on opposite sides of |Take time to cool off and|
| |the room |then lets talk about |
| | |what you can do to let |
| | |someone know that you are|
| | |angry with him |
|A child forgot to put her|Remember to write your |How will we know this |
|name on her work |name on your work |belongs |
| | |to you? |
|A child is scared
of the |There is nothing to be |I know you are scared |
|dark |afraid of |when your room is dark |
| | |What would make you feel |
| | |more comfortable? |
|A child is upset about a |You should have studied |What are you going to do|
|grade on |harder |to improve your grade? |
|a test | | |
|A child cant figure out |Heres how to do it: |Which part is giving you|
|how to do something and |First you |trouble? |
|says, I cant do this | | |
Resource 8
Raising a Reader
Use this tool as a guide to support your children in acquiring reading
skills
| |
|Learning to read happens over time in a developmental sequence |
| |
|Children will use several strategies for reading within the same sentence |
|such as sight,
sound or how the word fits in |
|the sentence Many experiences and activities help children learn to read |
|such as talking and interacting, recognizing and connecting sounds and |
|letters, life experiences and being exposed to all types of reading |
|materials |
| |
|Reading is the written form of language |
| |
|Children need vocabulary and word recognition skills, phonics skills, and |
|ways to see if what they read makes sense Toddlers and preschoolers learn |
|about reading by being read to and by early attempts to write and translate |
|what they have written The correct translation can be written below the |
|scribbles and read back to the child Reading and writing go hand in hand, |
|and plenty of reading and writing materials should be available in the home|
|These materials say reading is important Children must also be discouraged |
|from watching too much television and
encouraged to do other activities such|
|as homework, playing games and having conversations with family members |
| |
|To be successful readers, children need to spend lots of time reading or |
|being read to |
| |
|Parents can make reading fun by having a regular routine for reading”before |
|bed each night, after dinner, before school or any time during the day for |
|preschoolers The important thing is that it happens regularly and is a |
|positive experience |
Understandings About Reading
Reading is the construction of meaning from written text and
involves thinking and feelings
Background knowledge and prior experience are critical to
reading
Social interaction is essential to learning to read
Reading and writing develop together
Reading involves complex thinking
Environments should be filled with reading and writing
experiences
Children must be interested and motivated
Childrens understanding of print is different from adults
understanding
Children develop awareness and knowledge of phonics through
experiences with language
Children need to be taught many different reading strategies
Children need the opportunity to read, read, read It is
important that they are monitored and assessed
Ages and Stages
|Infants |Toddlers |
| Enjoy action nursery rhymes | Like to read the same books over |
| Fall asleep to nursery songs and |and over |
|lullabies | Pick favorite books from the shelf |
| Listen to stories as they are | Can name objects in books and |
|rocked |magazines |
| Make the sounds of animals in books| |
|Things to do |
| Expect them to put books in their mouths Provide books with heavy |
|pages
|
| Talk about the books with them Repeat nursery |
|rhymes |
| Listen to childrens music and move to it |
|Preschoolers |Kindergarteners |First-graders |
| Hold books correctly | Recognize individual | Recognize and know |
| Are able to write some |letters |letters and |
|letters in their |and words |sounds |
|name | Can read and write | Write some small |
| Pretend to read own |name and |words from |
|writing and |some words |memory |
|books | Use illustrations to | Can read easy to |
| Can tell the difference|tell a story |read books |
|between print | Can say some rhyming | |
|and picture |words that | |
| Know some letters and |start with sounds such as| |
|point to them
|t, m | |
| |and d | |
|Things to do |
| Read daily to your child and visit the library Reread the story and |
|let her tell the ending |
| Let child tell story from his drawing Let child read aloud and accept |
|mistakes |
|Second-graders |Third-graders |
| Take pride in showing off their | Use encyclopedia, computer and |
|reading |atlas |
| Can read early reader and | Read assignments and follow |
|transitional words |directions |
| Are able to read silently | Make predictions about the outcome |
| Can work out unknown words |of a story |
| | Use the computer to write and |
| |search for
information |
|Things to do |
| Follow your childs interest Play games that involve reading |
| Continue to read more difficult books Provide blank books for drawing |
|and writing |
| Limit television viewing Visit the library regularly |
|Fourth-graders |Fifth-graders |
| Read familiar text with ease | Read for new information |
| Can tell fact from opinion | Use table of contents and reference|
| Can read silently for extended |materials |
|periods | Choose to read for leisure |
| Read and understand | Use the computer to write and |
|instructions/recipes |search for information |
|Things to do |
| Keep reading aloud to your child Provide supplies for children to |
|write and illustrate
|
| Link movies and TV shows to books their own stories |
| Use computer software that matches Visit the library regularly |
|the interest of the child Give gift cards to bookstores |
By the time children are in the sixth, seventh and eighth grades, they are
fluent, independent readers who use reading as an important part of their
everyday lives They read for entertainment, information and learning
Remember to model reading and give gifts that encourage reading
Adapted from: Parents Reaching Out, wwwparentsreachingoutorg
Resource 9
Preparing for the Teen Years
Consider using some of these ideas with your adolescent or teenage children
who are going through the difficult stages of becoming young adults
| |Share your values with your teens Let them know whats really |
| |important to you and help them clarify their own values |
| |Dont fight the small stuff Minimize the number of household |
| |rules, but stick to the ones you do set Save major power plays |
| |for issues that compromise health and safety or important values,|
| |like drinking, drugs and sex
|
| |Keep communications honest and open, listening to whats really |
| |going on before jumping to |
| |conclusions Be ready for those unexpected in-between times when |
| |your teen wants to talk in the car, doing the dishes or at bed |
| |time Thats when real closeness develops |
| |Avoid the 20-questions approach to conversation, which teens |
| |find intrusive At this stage, privacy is very important to them|
| |Instead engage in open-ended conversations |
| |As teens try to separate from their childish selves, they |
| |sometimes feel that your existence is an embarrassment Dont |
| |take it personally and do drop them off a block from school or|
| |the mall and save your hugs and kisses for private times |
| |Teens sometimes try on behaviors and roles the way we try on |
| |clothes Although it can be scary to watch, these new personas |
| |usually dont last long
|
| |Even though its tempting to be your teens friend, its much |
| |more important to be the parent, setting reasonable limits and |
| |being a force of stability in their lives |
| |Tell teens they can use you as the bad-guy excuse for declining|
| |to participate in activities that make them feel uncomfortable |
| |That way, they know youre cool, but they can pretend youre not|
| |When offering advice, dont expect a positive response; youre |
| |more likely to see irritation or disgust |
| |Its important to know, however, that much of what you say is |
| |absorbed anyway, waiting to come out |
| |Encourage teens to exercise and develop their problem-solving and|
| |decision making skills by helping them evaluate potential choices|
| |and responses to situations |
| |Maintain perspective, being careful not to over-parent and |
| |over-manage on the one hand, or to |
| |under-parent and
under-support on the other |
Source: Parents Place, wwwParentsPlaceOnlineorg
Resource 10
Ideas for Busy Parents
No matter how busy you are, spending quality time with your child cannot be
put off Giving personal time and
effort to your child will provide many long-term benefits for both of you
Each of the following ideas take less than thirty minutes “ and it just may
be the best half hour you could spend to help your child learn and grow Go
through this list and check the things you are doing now Go through the
list a second time and check the things you can start to do right away
Read to your child”at least twenty minutes a day Keep lots of books
or magazines around Books and books on tape can be checked out of most
libraries Studies show that children of parents who read to them earn
higher grades
Help your child organize his/her work area Make sure they have
pencils, markers, crayons,
glue sticks, a dictionary and any other materials they need to
complete their assignments in a
quiet environment
Review homework assignments to make sure it is done Talk to his/her
teacher right away if the homework seems too
hard or too easy for
your child
Find out whats going on in school Let your child know that you will
ask questions everyday about what he or she learned at school Read
the school or classroom newsletter to learn about what is going on
in school
Play word games or listening games Play Simon Says with your child
to increase vocabulary and
memory skills Ask your childs teacher or the librarian for other
ideas of things to do
Set rules about your childs TV viewing time Instead of letting your
child watch television for fun and
relaxation, have him or her read a good book, play a board game or
have free-play time
Get to know your childs teacher Write a personal note or introduce
yourself in person Share with the teacher your childs feelings about
school and any special needs or interests that he or she has
Talk as a family about everyday happenings Whether its from the
front page of the daily newspaper,
or something you saw or read, help your child see their place in the
larger world Listen carefully to your child and he or she will learn how
to listen to others
Take advantage of time in the car
Use this time to chat with
children about what is going on in your lives save heavier issues or
concerns for family meetings This is also a good time to share musical
interests
and listen to books on tape
Source: The Shell Poll, 1999 http://wwwcountonshellcom/shell_pollhtml
Resource 11
Peer Pressure
Peer pressure is when a child does something he or she does not want to do
as a result of being pressured by friends All children experience peer
pressure and give into it at one time or another Consider these steps that
parents can take to minimize the effects of peer pressure or gang activity
Family is important to teens:
Develop a close, open and honest relationship with your
children so that they will want to identify with and work to please
their parents These children are much more likely to come to their
parents when they are in trouble or are having problems Talk to
children about morals and values - the best defense against peer
pressure
Help children understand peer pressure so they will be better
able to make good decisions Let them know peer pressure is
something all children and
adults experience at some time and that
it is normal to want to fit in Gangs are less attractive to
children who get their needs met at home
Plan regular and frequent activities the whole family can
participate in such as picnics, hiking, sports, etc Parents who
spend quality time together develop close relationships with their
children; thus children are less likely to give in to peer pressure
or gangs
Stay Involved in Your Childs Life
Encourage friendships with positive role models and join groups
or activities which involve interacting with positive role
models ie scouting, sports, church groups
Get to know your childrens friends and their parents to
determine if they are a positive influence and have similar
values
Know where your children are at all times Supervise them at
home, know where they are, who they are with and what they are
doing
Dont criticize childrens friends who might be a negative
influence They will become defensive and continue to be
with
them Do discuss specific behaviors and actions It seems like every
time you are with Tom you get into trouble
Encourage a wide variety of friends This promotes
individuality and makes it less likely for children to
give in to peer pressure from any one group
Teach responsibility Responsible children consider their
options They tend to cooperate more
consciously than people pleasers children who are motivated
by approval by considering their
options rather than automatically making choices to avoid
conflict or negative reactions from someone
Help Your Child Develop a Positive Self-Image
Encourage individuality and independence by modeling or demonstrating those
behaviors Parents who resist peer
pressure are teaching their children to do the same Discuss independence
with your children and stress the importance of being ones own person and
doing what he or she feels is right
Teach assertiveness through role playing so that children will be able to
stand up for what they believe is right We can also teach problem solving
when children are faced with peer pressure by suggesting alternative
activities or
explaining why they refuse to participate in a certain
activity
Praise assertiveness”behavior that is praised is much more likely to be
repeated
Provide appropriate discipline when children give into peer pressure such
as restricting privileges, or not letting the child spend time with the
friend or friends with whom he got into trouble
If you are suspicious that your child may have given into peer pressure,
try to figure out the reason the child has given into peer pressure and
address it If they lack self-confidence or self-esteem, then work on
building those qualities
Seek help if a child is consistently giving into peer pressure
| Signs of Peer Pressure |
| Excessive demands for material things his friends have |
| Disregarding your rules in order to do things with friends |
| Stealing with friends |
| Any hint of alcohol or drugs |
| Teens seriously misleading you about friends or whereabouts |
| Doing things to avoid rejection like going along with friends who use
poor|
|judgment |
| Show Teens We Care |
| Always take time to really listen |
| Give children privacy; teens need space |
| Be accepting of our children and not too critical |
| Dont rush the teen years or raise false expectations |
| Develop a strong sense of family unity by spending time together |
| Talk about sex, drugs and alcohol |
Peer pressure can be positive It can keep youth participating in extra-
curricular activities, going to meetings and playing on sports teams The
peer group is a source of affection, sympathy and understanding; it is a
place for experimentation and a supportive setting for achieving the two
primary developmental tasks of adolescence These are identity who I am
and autonomy seeing oneself as separate and independent from parents
Adapted from: Parents Reaching Out, wwwparentsreachingoutorg
Resource 12
Bullying
Being bullied or bullying is not just a part of
growing up Use this
information to help you better
understand bullying
Bullying among elementary school children and teenagers is a growing
problem in many schools Its happening in urban, suburban and rural
schools Children who have learning or other disabilities seem to be
especially prone to bullying While bullying isnt new, professionals today
have a new level of understanding of the problem Bullying is a learned
behavior that can be prevented Effective bullying prevention programs are
being used in many school systems throughout New Mexico Its important for
parents, students, teachers and school administrators to understand and
learn to manage bullying that occurs at school and elsewhere
What is Bullying?
Bullying may involve physical aggression such as fighting, shoving or
kicking; verbal aggression such as name calling; or more subtle acts such
as socially isolating another child It is important for adults and youth
to understand the difference between bullying and normal conflict
|Normal Conflict |Bullying |
|Happens occasionally |Happens repeatedly |
|Accidental
|Done on purpose |
|Not serious |Serious ” threat of physical or |
| |emotional harm |
|Equal emotional reaction |Strong emotional reaction on part of |
| |the victim |
|Not seeking power or attention |Seeking power or control |
|Not trying to get something |Trying to gain material things or |
| |power |
|Remorseful ” takes responsibility |No remorse ” blames victim |
|Effort to solve the problem |No effort to solve the problem |
If youre a parent concerned about bullying, its important to recognize
the signs that a child is a bully, as well as the signs of one who is being
victimized Being alert and observant is critical, since victims are often
reluctant to report bullying Many victims dont report it to their parents
or teachers because theyre embarrassed or humiliated by the bullying They
may assume that adults will accuse them of tattling or will tell
them to
deal with it themselves If bullying behavior is reported, bullies usually
deny their involvement
What can parents of the victim do?
If you know or suspect your child is being bullied, but the school hasnt
communicated with you about the situation, you should contact your childs
teachers right away Keep in mind that your primary goal should be to get
the schools
cooperation to get the bullying to stop Knowing your own child is being
victimized can evoke strong feelings, but youll get much more cooperation
from school personnel if you can stick to the facts and not become
emotional While you may want assurance that everyone involved is punished,
try to focus on putting an end to the bullying If your child is a victim
of bullying, try helping him with the following strategies:
Listen carefully to your childs reports of being bullied Be
sympathetic and take the problem seriously Be careful not to
overreact or under-react
Do not blame the victim When a child finally works up the
courage to report bullying, it isnt appropriate to criticize
him for causing it or not handling the situation correctly For example,
dont ask, Well, what
did you do to bring it on?
Realize that for a child who is being bullied, home is a
refuge Expect the child to have some difficult times in dealing
with victimization Talk to the school counselor for support, if needed
Encourage your child to keep talking to you Spend extra time
together Provide constant support and
encouragement
What can the parents of the bully do?
Parents of bullies should understand that children who aggressively bully
peers are at increased risk for engaging in antisocial or criminal behavior
in the future It is therefore important to try to help bullies change
their negative attitudes
and behavior toward others
Take the problem seriously Resist a tendency to deny the
problem or to discount the seriousness of it Avoid denial
thinking such as Bullying is just a natural part of growing up
Listen carefully and check out the facts Do not believe
everything your child tells you Children who bully are good at
manipulating adults and can be very artful at weaving a story that makes
them look innocent
The school or the victims parents may be documenting
reports
of your childs bullying behaviors It doesnt serve your child
to deny his involvement if there is evidence to the contrary Check out the
dates
and the activities and determine if there is a pattern in his
bullying behavior
Explore the reasons for your childs negative behavior Speak
with the school counselor or get professional help, if
necessary, for your child and/or your family
What can ” and should ” parents expect the school to do?
Whether your child is a bully, victim or bystander, you should expect the
following from the school:
School administrators, teachers, counselors and staff should
take bullying problems seriously The school should investigate
the situation and let you know what steps theyre taking to help stop the
bullying
Written school policies and rules against bullying, harassment
and intimidation should be in place
and be enforced
Teachers, counselors and administrators should speak to the
bully and his or her parents They should also tell the
child what the consequences will be if he or she doesnt stop bullying
others If the
bullying continues, the school should
enforce the pre-determined consequences immediately
Teachers and administrators should increase adult supervision
in the areas of the school campus where bullying incidents are
most likely to occur
School personnel should be informed about the children who are
being victimized by bullies so they can monitor and provide
support to the victims as needed They should also communicate often with
the victims parents to tell them how the situation is being
handled at school
Finally, be aware that bullying prevention programs in schools are often a
very effective way to stop bullying If you believe that your childs
school would benefit from a bullying prevention program, get involved in
finding out how to bring such a program into the school
Adapted from: Bullying at School, schwablearningorg
